At your word I’ll drop and give you

Fifteen Sequences of Relayed Action:

A One-Person Play In Multiple Perspectives Starring One Role-Shifting Actor

With an ease

And bare-faced revel and snark

That will have you laughing

Or sitting stiff and suddenly insecure,

Or blushing

As I enthusiastically fiddle over the sight of your genuine remark going up in flames.

 

I can react to anything.

The action is everything

Because acting is something

I’ve always done.

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And then one day, I found out I could cry.

 

It wasn’t what I wanted, what I longed for so badly I couldn’t breathe some nights as I lay there clutching my blanket, wishing with all my heart as I stared at the black, blank ceiling. I wanted the sunshine, I wanted it inside me, to fill that airless hollow among my ribs where all my feelings had been roughly scooped out by everything we’d been through.

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This is what my anxiety over how I relate to people feels like:
Walking in snow.
Sometimes it’s just deep drifts, smooth, new – beautiful, even.
But every step forward I make is a step into untouched territory,
And I’m never sure whether or not my footing will hold.
Other times, it’s a blizzard.
It’s new territory,
And it’s coming at me from all directions at once,
And buffetting me,
And not only am I unsure of every battled step forward
But I can’t even see where I’m going.
Winter Walking – Stacia Joy