I finally took that deep breath
And fanned up all those words that I’d kept back for so long that I’d forgotten
How much they hurt,
Having let them burn so deeply and thoroughly into my chest that it was reduced
To just a charred chamber where they seeped,
In the blackened cores of my ribs.
The heat simmered under my tongue so fiercely
That the whole room shimmered
As I let those long-smothered words eat up the air,
Hissing as my tears touched them.
I let everything rise with those sparks –
Everything I’d kept quiet about because I’d been slowly forged into thinking
That my fears, hopes, hurts, and tears
Were not as important as your own.
There were bigger schemes,
Greater perils for you to shake your sword at.
You had holier wars to fight
And you needed someone to fan your flame,
And I did so because the brightness of your own rights and dreams and desires
Turned all mine into ashes.
But your colossal, spewing Vesuvius
Isn’t going to bury my cremated heart any more,
Because I’m tired of trying to heap coals upon your head.
It’s time you realized how you burnt me out with the fervor of your own crusade,
And the bridges still left between us are rapidly getting singed.
So cool it and listen to me just this once.
I yelled this all so that the whole charred room rang with it,
But the walls didn’t answer back a single thing,
And I’m still buried
By everything you’ve made go up in smoke.
Vesuvius – Stacia Joy
I wrote this in 2015. It was the first time I realized I was not at fault for how poorly I had been treated in certain close relationships.